HomePoliticsTed Cruz Absolutely Humiliates Eric Swalwell After Dem Requests to Bet on...

Ted Cruz Absolutely Humiliates Eric Swalwell After Dem Requests to Bet on NFL Game

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Politicians like nothing better than placing public wagers on major sporting events. On the contrary, the people could not be less interested.

I can think of one particular exception: after the 2000 season, my beloved New York Giants were defeated by the Baltimore Ravens in one of the most lopsided Super Bowls ever played. As part of a bet between the senatorial delegations of New York and Maryland, then-New York Sens. Hillary Rodham Clinton and Chuck Schumer were forced to read Edgar Allen Poe’s “The Raven” — the reason Baltimore’s football team is so-named, for those of you with a Common Core education — on Capitol Hill with the most forced smiles I’d ever seen either of those epic phonies try to pass off as genuine good cheer.

Nobody even bothered to post the performance to YouTube, so the video of two of my least favorite Democrats reading poetry as though they were in an Iranian hostage film has seemingly vanished into the ether. In fact, the only proof I could discover that this wasn’t a fever dream I concocted as a child was a CNN transcript of the incident, which supposedly occurred on January 30, 2001. (At that time, the news cycle was sluggish enough to warrant showing the recitation; nine months later, the situation may have been different.) It was the single redeeming feature of one of my least favorite football games ever.

Thanks to Democrat California Representative Eric Swalwell’s inability to know when to shut the hell up, another congressional football wager has aroused my interest in an NFL game I would otherwise detest.

Sunday will see the NFC Divisional Round matchup between the Dallas Cowboys and San Francisco 49ers. As any good Giants fan would, I detest the Cowboys with the ferocity of a thousand suns on fire. I loathe the star-shaped logo, the pathetic “America’s Team” worship, the bandwagon fans who have never even caught a connecting flight in Dallas-Fort Worth, Jerry Jones, Jimmy Johnson’s permanently fixed hair, and even the largely unloathable Cowboy legend (and U.S. Naval Academy graduate) Roger Staubach. I despise loathe loathe loathe loathe it everything. I abhor it.

On the other side, the San Francisco 49ers are Eric Swalwell’s favorite team, therefore I’m cheering for the Cowboys.

It’s not only because Swalwell is one of the worst individuals in America’s worst political party during its worst post-Dixiecrat era. This is due to the fact that Swalwell wants to have some skin in the game and proposed a wager to the most important politician in Texas.

“I will make this open bet to @tedcruz — if the @dallascowboys beat the @49ers I won’t tweet for the rest of January,” Swalwell tweeted Monday. “If the @49ers win you can’t tweet for rest of January. How Texan are you, Ted? Deal?”

As you may be aware, one of the most essential things a football team can accomplish is defend the quarterback’s blind side; a book and film adaption of this notion even have the same name. Watch what happens if a team fails at this objective and a defender scores a clean hit on an unsuspecting quarterback:

And that’s what I love about Eric Swalwell: He’s a one-man football team who has no capacity for protecting his blind side:

More on this story via The Western Journal:

Guess which congressman? That’s right: Eric Swalwell! And not only that, Fang’s methods of intelligence networking included developing “romantic or sexual relationships” with her targets. CONTINUE READING…

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